In 2017, at the start of my 40s, I had a ‘Mid-Life Crisis’. It came out of the blue. I suddenly realised I was fed up with my life and I panicked! This crisis forced me to make a commitment to change my life at 41 – and this time, there was no going back on that decision!
With the excitement of my new epiphany during ‘crisis mode’, I listed all the wonderful things I wanted to change. My list was long, outlandish and overwhelming.
Then reality set in – “How the hell, with my overweight, broke ass, self-sabotaging mindset was I going to change my life?” I didn’t know where to start. However…
…Two years later (2019), I was consistently working out 5-6 days a week and released almost 30lbs of weight. I paid off the majority of my £20k debt and read over 60 books.
Within 24 months, I had become a completely different person, whose habits and behaviour now nurtured a consistently positive mindset – even when all things didn’t go to plan.
But there’s no secret to my success! In fact, I have created a free download just for you with the exact first step I took to turn it all around. Click HERE to swipe your copy now!
UNDERSTANDING WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO CHANGE
Most of us think if we have a specific thing; nice car, house, abs, great relationship, money in the bank, etc. we will finally feel happy. My personal list consisted of earning more money, getting out of debt, losing weight and owning my dream car. I was convinced that when and only when, I had achieved ALL those things, I’d finally be happy.
Of course, each time I reflected on my life and saw none of the above, I would feel like shi*t! This would lead to overeating, spending money and procrastinating.
It wasn’t until the age of 41, I realised I was not craving the actual possession of those things.
I was in fact, chasing the ‘feeling’ I thought these things would give me. This was my Ah-ha moment and started my real commitment to changing my life.
My lightbulb moment was switched on when I read the following quote in a book: “All that you really want is to change the way you feel.”
As you may know, my relationship with self-help books had been a cycle of confusion and delusion. However, it wasn’t until I re-read Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins that it hit me: All I wanted to do is feel good about myself.
My life immediately changed when I took the time to identify my TRUE VALUES.
This meant, prioritising how I wanted to feel emotionally. Focusing my attention on the outcome I want to feel. And planning my actions to enable this feeling.
From that point on in my journey, I didn’t ‘focus’ on losing weight, getting out of debt or improving my lifestyle. I wanted to ‘feel’ good right now – despite the current situation or circumstances in my life. I had stumbled upon a way to get pleasure where I was, whilst working towards the things I wanted.
Everything I have created and achieved after that point has been the by-product of my quest to feel good!
However, I’ll be real with you – it was not easy! Especially at the beginning. Having to battle against the strength of my old mindset and negative beliefs was a struggle. I started slowly. Creating rules that empowered me to make small changes in my habits and actions to ensure I ‘felt good about myself’. These small actions consistently compounded.
In the How To Set Your Values download, I’ve broken down the basic ‘value setting’ principles in Tony’s book. I have summarised his process and given you insight to my own experience whilst going through the exercise.
I am in no doubt that setting my Value Points was one of the key elements to how I changed my life at 41. This shift in mindset allowed me to finally take action towards my goals and get the results I have today. I can wholeheartedly say it will change your perspective and change your life.
Making the decision to understand and focus your values on how you want to feel will motivate you to direct your energy and time to the things that bring you the most pleasure.
The worksheet is not something to be rushed. When I first discovered the system and decided to give it a go, I struggled. It took me a whole week to complete in full because I had to get honest with myself and that was difficult!
However, I was determined to change my life once and for all and could no longer continue in my current limited mindset.
After all, it took four decades to find myself, overweight, in debt and with a negative mindset. It was finally time to surrendered to the fact that there would be no quick fix. It was going to take some time to undo it all.
Looking back, it feels great to reflect on the goals I’ve accomplished since my mid-life crisis, especially considering my starting point. I first did the exercise in 2017 and still years on, my 10 values and their rules are still written down in the front of my journal.
Each morning I skim through them as a reminder of what type of day I will design for myself.
No matter what the day, week or month brings, I now live my life knowing that as long as I keep those values at the forefront of my mind, I will live my life with much more pleasure than pain.